Top Ten Tuesday: Top Ten Reasons to Never Ever Go Camping

   Okay, I am aware that this Top Ten Tuesday is five days late.  I tried a couple of other lists and they just really didn't pan out.  So here it is, I hope it was worth it.

10. Deliverance

A bunch of manly men go on a canoeing trip.  Before they head out they infuriate the banjo playing, inbred yokels.  That's like rule number one in the horror movie handbook.  Don't piss off the yokels.  Eventually they're in a fight to defend their innocence from man-on-man rape.  Rape is already a terrifying concept for women, but it's almost inconceivable for men.

9. The Thing

Yeah, buddy.  I'm not talking the newer prequel, I'm talking the Kurt Russel original in all its eighties glory.  Directed by John Carpenter, one of the masters of horror.  Claustrophobic, gory, and paranoid throughout, this may not technically be a camping movie, but they are trapped in the middle of nowhere.

8. Cabin Fever

Have you ever wanted to see an actor from Boy Meets World be psychologically tortured?  Admit it, we all have.  When a flesh eating virus hits a cabin full of twenty-something kids, we get to watch them fall apart.  Haha, literally.

7. I Spit on Your Grave

This time I am talking about the remake.  I haven't yet seen the original (I know, I know, I'm a bad Movie Monster).  This movie proves, once again, that most of the time humans are the most terrifying creatures on Earth.

6.Cabin in the Woods

See my full review here.

5. Friday the 13th

Not even sleep-away camps for kids are safe, especially not if you're a hormone-crazed young adult.  One of the great slasher movies of the 1980's, Friday the 13th is one of the best slasher movies of all time.  With an original twist before twists became prerequisites, nobody wants to attend Camp Crystal Lake.

4.Blair Witch Project

The first found footage movie.  Made for next to nothing, it was also the most profitable movie of all time.  In a lot of cases with horror movies, the more shit the actors have to go through, the better the final product (The Shining, Evil Dead, Clockwork Orange, Stanley Kubrick films in general...).  The three unknown actors were basically never told what was going to happen.  They were given a camera and some simple guidelines, then the director had some fun tormenting them until they were close to insanity.

3. The Hills Have Eyes

Nobody likes backwoods, inbred mutants, which is probably why they're so sad and misunderstood.  Nah, they're just bloodthirsty and weird looking.  I'm really referring to both versions here.  The remake was pretty true to the original, and most of what they added was worth it.  This movie is why camping isn't even okay in an RV.

2.Evil Dead

Now, I haven't seen the remake yet.  I've heard mixed reviews, but the red band trailers all looked goretastic.  Really, better special effects and a higher budget are almost blasphemous when applied to Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi's first film.  Featuring some awesome camera work and some crazy originality, the remake might not be worth a watch, but I judge people who haven't seen the original.

1. Wolf Creek

Everything in Australia wants to kill you.  From the sharks, to the giant spiders, to the backwoods rapists, everything wants you dead.  One of the most realistic slasher movies ever, it's even creepier because it's based on a couple of real-life Australian serial killers.  And you thought I was exaggerating.