The Cabin in the Woods

  

They have to make the choice of their own free will. Otherwise, system doesn't work. Like the harbinger: creepy old fuck practically wears a sign saying "YOU WILL DIE". Why would we put him there? The system. They have to choose to ignore him. They have to choose what happens in the cellar. yeah, we rig the game as much as we have to but in the end, if they don't transgress they can't be punished.

   If, in your entire life, you only ever watch one horror movie (what a sad existence), make sure that one horror movie is The Cabin in the Woods.  Like Scream, it's a horror movie that acknowledges that it is, in fact, a horror movie.  It's meta-horror.  I like to think that I invented this term, but I'm sure I'm not the first.  Featuring every single horror movie character you could ever possibly want: a zombie redneck torture family, a bloodthirsty unicorn, clowns, zombies, witches, sexy witches, a sugarplum fairy, and a merman.  Directed and co-written by Drew Goddard with none other than the great Joss Whedon, while this movie plays homage to as many other horror movies as possible, I've never seen a straight-up genre movie with more originality.  The Cabin in the Woods combines so many elements of classic horror that it becomes something new and better.

   You all know the first half of the movie.  Five twenty-somethings go on a road trip.  An old creepy dude tells them they're all going to die.  They find a creepy book in a creepy cellar and someone feels the need to read the creepy Latin inside.  Redneck torture family rises from their graves and attempt to kill the five twenty-somethings.  The twist?  It's not really a twist.  We know from the beginning that all of this is being orchestrated by a massive corporation that apparently specializes in killing twenty-somethings who decide to vacation in creepy cabins.  From the pheromones pumped into the air to the retarding agent in the blonde's hair dye, they control everything.  The most terrifying thing?  These are ordinary office workers, with families and lives outside of sicking monsters on college students.  They take bets on what monsters will appear and they celebrate with champagne when things go right.

   As playful as it is horrific.  Five out of five bongs disguised as coffee thermoses.