Slither

He looks like something that fell off my dick during the war.

   Grant Grant decides to screw around on his wife with the town slut in the woods.  First of all, if you ever find yourself in the woods in a horror movie, you should probably figure out a way to not be in the woods.  This is why I never go camping, people.  No, it's not fun, it's terrifying, and it's also how you get attacked by zombie redneck torture families, flesh eating viruses, and rapey trees.  Plus the bugs and lack of indoor plumbing.  I'm getting off track.

   Anyway, Grant Grant is about to bone the town slut when they find a creepy, mysterious blob.  A creepy, mysterious, breathing blob.  Being the genius he obviously is, he pokes it with a stick.  The blob retaliates by turning him into a giant amorphous blob.  

   Let's be honest, though, Grant Grant was creepy and gross before he turned into a giant amorphous blob.  You may recognize Michael Rooker from Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer and The Walking Dead.  Elizabeth Banks plays his wife, who, even after finding a pile of dead pets in their basement, still wants to work out their issues.

   Like with all slugs, there is a hierarchy.  Grant Grant is at the top.  He impregnated the town slut with thousands of his slug-like spawn.  Rather than giving birth the normal way, she blows up like Violet Beauregard and the alien slugs explode out of her like a gory water balloon.  Actually, as far as I can tell, that is giving birth the normal way.  "These little fuckers are tearing me apart!" she screams, before spraying the sheriff's department with them.  The slugs then squirm off and zombify the townspeople, who then wander all zombie-like over to the giant amorphous blob that used to be Grant Grant and merge with him.

   Although Nathan Fillion plays the sheriff as sarcastic and not-so-secretly sweet, most of the laughs come from Gregg Henry, who plays Mayor MacReady.  MacReady isn't really anyone's idea of an ideal mayor.  He's crass, impatient, sarcastic, and cowardly.  But jeezo-peezo is he fun to laugh at.  At the beginning of the movie he's sitting in his car and in a fit of road rage he screams, "Move the fuck out of the way, cocksucker!"  Before he looks over to see a voter and her ten year old daughter.  "Eh, you win some, you lose some," he shrugs.

   Somehow, this modern creature feature managed to pull of the combination of horror and comedy, which is probably mostly thanks to the cast, as well as the script, written and directed by James Gunn, Slither was featured in the 30 Even Scarier Movie Moments.  Maybe a little too dependent on CGI rather than practical effects, The Movie Monster gives Slither four out of five alien slugs.