Dumplings

   Jiao zi (Dumplings) is a 2004 Chinese film about a woman named Mrs. Li, an aging ex-television actress who is trying to regain her youth because Mr. Li is having an affair with a twenty-something hotel masseuse.  She seeks out a woman named Aunt Mei, who makes dumplings which are famous for their rejuvenating ingredients.  Aunt Mei happens to be over sixty years old, but looks thirty, tops.  When Mrs. Li tries her first dumpling, she immediately spits it on the floor.  Aunt Mei doesn't act offended at all that Mrs. Li didn't like her food, nor that she spat partly masticated food on her floor, she just scoops up the unwanted dumpling and buries it in her potted plant.
   Eventually the dumplings begin to grow on Mrs. Li, and she eats a lot of them in a montage of gross squishing noises and close-ups of her chewing mouth.  However, even having eaten a few dozen of Aunt Mei's dumplings, she still hasn't noticed a change in her looks.  She demands that Aunt Mei give her more potent dumplings.
   Meanwhile, a mother and her teenage daughter appear at Aunt Mei's door.  The daughter is pregnant by her father.  Taking pity on the poor girl, Aunt Mei agrees to abort the child.  It's a long, arduous process, and when it's done, Aunt Mei sticks the fetus in a casserole dish and puts it in her fridge for later.  Yes, seriously.
   Aunt Mei prepares this fetus and serves it to Mrs. Li as dumplings.  Mrs. Li is horrified when she realizes what she's been eating, but proceeds to eat the fetus dumplings anyway.  Finally, the rejuvenating ingredient starts having its effect.  Mr. Li finds her attractive again.
   During a dinner party, Mrs. Li starts to notice that her skin is giving off a strange smell.  She calls Aunt Mei and they argue, but Mei isn't horribly sympathetic.  Eavesdropping, Mr. Li discovers that his wife is a cannibal and goes to confront Aunt Mei.  Rather than acting contrite, Aunt Mei feeds Mr. Li some of the biscuits, and then he screws her on her kitchen table.  Soon, Aunt Mei won't serve Mrs. Li anymore dumplings.  She tracks her down, which probably wasn't too difficult, considering that Aunt Mei wears some of the most ridiculous outfits I have ever seen, but Aunt Mei blows her off.  Growing more desperate, she decides to go out and get some rejuvenating ingredients of her own.
   Okay, this movie is just weird.  It's slow, it's plodding, and it all seems so unnecessary.  I know foreign movies tend to be slower than Hollywood films, but oh, my, God, Dumplings took forever to get to the point.  This movie was actually originally a short movie part of a trilogy called 3 Extremes, and I would actually watch it again in that form.  However, the full length movie was only worth two out of five aborted fetuses.